Matthew finally walked!Interesting story.
(don't feel obligated to read. This is my own "journal entry" if you will)
Last night, Ammon had one of his 24-hour shifts so I was home alone (with Matthew). I have had insomnia worse than usual lately and last night was no exception. I was blog-hopping and came across a very long post about a person and their daughter who they are having complications with (they found out she has cerebral palsy recently). Her mom was blogging about all of these things her three-year-old didn't do and walking late was one of them. As most moms do, I started to worry more than usual.
Most of the time, people will say, "oh, my son was walking at eight months," or "I took my first steps at six months" (literally, I got that one). I always shrug things off, laugh and am the first to admit that Matthew can't walk yet. It's no surprise and it isn't his fault, my fault...anyone's fault. That's just how it is. But, at the end of the night, I always think about it. Ammon and I have had many conversations about Matthew and how we think he might be slow. After all, he didn't really crawl until almost 11 months. Ammon never seems as worried as I am though. I think that is the mom's job.
So last night, I became more worried. I then went and researched for about four hours the different signs of different things. Everything from autism to CP to muscular dystrophy...you name it. They all said that walking late was a sign that we needed to take him to physical therapy and ask at least one doctor's opinion on the matter. Although most said that we should not really worry until about 17 or 18 months, I figured that mark was coming up soon. Most sites said that kids walk between 9 and 13 months.
Ammon has also expressed his concern to me before about Matthew's speech. The kid mumbles like no tomorrow. He'll blabber your ear off, especially if you talk back to him. He laughs at himself, points to everything around him, and talks talks talks. The problem? We don't really understand. He'll say things like "Je" for Jesus (knows exactly where every picture of him is in our house), "Tem" for Temple, and knows other different words, but doesn't really say things we understand. Of course, uh-oh, no, wow, whoa, one...all those W words are said constantly in his tangents to himself. He's quite funny actually.
Anyway, I went into doing my personal research pretty much already thinking that my son had a problem. I checked everything out that I could about speech and delayed walking. I have to admit, I got teary-eyed a few times and cried before I finally fell asleep. I think the last thing a mother wants is for her son to have to go through life with some thing that society may judge him on. He's only one, and I've already had a thousand people telling me they didn't understand what or why he wasn't taking his first steps and even had one lady at church pull me aside and tell me that she was really worried (wow).
Finally, after deciding that there was nothing else I could do, I finally shut the computer and decided to just do one thing that always makes me feel better. I decided to pray. It was long. Mostly just telling my emotions and letting Heavenly Father know how much I loved my son. Regardless of what happened, what other people, the internet, doctors say, I loved him. I asked Heavenly Father to comfort me in knowing that things would be okay. I asked him to bless Matthew. But, I asked him to bless Matthew to walk if there wasn't anything really wrong with him, mostly to calm my own nerves.
I wasn't sure why I was crying since I didn't even know what or if something was really wrong. I finally fell asleep about 5 am and had to wake up less than three hours later to pick up Ammon. I asked Ammon when he got in the car if he was worried about Matt and whether or not he was "slow." Ammon said he would rather not talk about it. I think our problem is that we have been comparing Matthew to Gavin. Gavin is a genius! He really is. I know five-year-olds that don't talk like him. He's been talking since he was one. He's amazing and has the cutest personality on the planet after Matthew! I love him to death and when someone compliments Gavin, it's practically like a compliment to my own son. I love him to death.
Sloan talked to me today about how the hundreds of kids she knows do not talk like Gavin and so I should not be worried about him talking at all. She really comforted me in knowing that if it was anything, it was not his speech that I should be worried about.
Later today, I decided to take Matthew out on the road to push his toy. He is slower than molasses, he really is. But, he loved it and screamed bloody murder when I made him come in after a half hour. Tonight, during the game, I called Ammon in and I held Matthew's hand to walk towards his dad. To our surprise, he did it! Over and over and over. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Other than him being born, I'd have to say one of the most joyous moments I have experienced with this little boy.
Why? Why did this simple thing make me happy? Was it because he was finally walking? Not really. Yes, a big weight was lifted off my shoulders because even when he fell, he said "oops" and got right back up. I was happy because it was then that I realized how much him walking didn't really matter! Heavenly Father knows us so much better than we know ourselves. Maybe all I needed was the faith. Maybe it was ME who needed to believe, not Matthew believing. Was I happy that I could finally tell people that he could walk so they would stop telling me how concerned they were? (a little.) But, I was happy because I knew prayers are answered and that Heavenly Father is there to bless us and make us happy if we ask him. That's all we have to do. Ask and believe.
Do I still think Matthew is slow? I really have no idea. He does some amazing things that I don't even see older kids do. He does everything else that "they" say a kid his age should be doing. Feeding himself, playing, kneeling...everything else except walking. Do I know if anything is wrong? No. But I think today, I realized that everything is going to be okay. I don't need to worry about little things and I don't need to stress. I also learned something more important. Heavenly Father loves me; he loves my son! And that was the most comforting thing of all!
(Don't read this and think I'm crazy. Most people don't know what I'm feeling until you've been there. And when you hear it from NUMEROUS people that your son may have a problem or that he's slower than everyone else, you start to worry yourself sick).
Oh and what the crap was up with the Yankees tonight? SERIOUSLY?! A-Rod???????? WOW! At least I had a good day otherwise!
(don't feel obligated to read. This is my own "journal entry" if you will)
Last night, Ammon had one of his 24-hour shifts so I was home alone (with Matthew). I have had insomnia worse than usual lately and last night was no exception. I was blog-hopping and came across a very long post about a person and their daughter who they are having complications with (they found out she has cerebral palsy recently). Her mom was blogging about all of these things her three-year-old didn't do and walking late was one of them. As most moms do, I started to worry more than usual.
Most of the time, people will say, "oh, my son was walking at eight months," or "I took my first steps at six months" (literally, I got that one). I always shrug things off, laugh and am the first to admit that Matthew can't walk yet. It's no surprise and it isn't his fault, my fault...anyone's fault. That's just how it is. But, at the end of the night, I always think about it. Ammon and I have had many conversations about Matthew and how we think he might be slow. After all, he didn't really crawl until almost 11 months. Ammon never seems as worried as I am though. I think that is the mom's job.
So last night, I became more worried. I then went and researched for about four hours the different signs of different things. Everything from autism to CP to muscular dystrophy...you name it. They all said that walking late was a sign that we needed to take him to physical therapy and ask at least one doctor's opinion on the matter. Although most said that we should not really worry until about 17 or 18 months, I figured that mark was coming up soon. Most sites said that kids walk between 9 and 13 months.
Ammon has also expressed his concern to me before about Matthew's speech. The kid mumbles like no tomorrow. He'll blabber your ear off, especially if you talk back to him. He laughs at himself, points to everything around him, and talks talks talks. The problem? We don't really understand. He'll say things like "Je" for Jesus (knows exactly where every picture of him is in our house), "Tem" for Temple, and knows other different words, but doesn't really say things we understand. Of course, uh-oh, no, wow, whoa, one...all those W words are said constantly in his tangents to himself. He's quite funny actually.
Anyway, I went into doing my personal research pretty much already thinking that my son had a problem. I checked everything out that I could about speech and delayed walking. I have to admit, I got teary-eyed a few times and cried before I finally fell asleep. I think the last thing a mother wants is for her son to have to go through life with some thing that society may judge him on. He's only one, and I've already had a thousand people telling me they didn't understand what or why he wasn't taking his first steps and even had one lady at church pull me aside and tell me that she was really worried (wow).
Finally, after deciding that there was nothing else I could do, I finally shut the computer and decided to just do one thing that always makes me feel better. I decided to pray. It was long. Mostly just telling my emotions and letting Heavenly Father know how much I loved my son. Regardless of what happened, what other people, the internet, doctors say, I loved him. I asked Heavenly Father to comfort me in knowing that things would be okay. I asked him to bless Matthew. But, I asked him to bless Matthew to walk if there wasn't anything really wrong with him, mostly to calm my own nerves.
I wasn't sure why I was crying since I didn't even know what or if something was really wrong. I finally fell asleep about 5 am and had to wake up less than three hours later to pick up Ammon. I asked Ammon when he got in the car if he was worried about Matt and whether or not he was "slow." Ammon said he would rather not talk about it. I think our problem is that we have been comparing Matthew to Gavin. Gavin is a genius! He really is. I know five-year-olds that don't talk like him. He's been talking since he was one. He's amazing and has the cutest personality on the planet after Matthew! I love him to death and when someone compliments Gavin, it's practically like a compliment to my own son. I love him to death.
Sloan talked to me today about how the hundreds of kids she knows do not talk like Gavin and so I should not be worried about him talking at all. She really comforted me in knowing that if it was anything, it was not his speech that I should be worried about.
Later today, I decided to take Matthew out on the road to push his toy. He is slower than molasses, he really is. But, he loved it and screamed bloody murder when I made him come in after a half hour. Tonight, during the game, I called Ammon in and I held Matthew's hand to walk towards his dad. To our surprise, he did it! Over and over and over. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Other than him being born, I'd have to say one of the most joyous moments I have experienced with this little boy.
Why? Why did this simple thing make me happy? Was it because he was finally walking? Not really. Yes, a big weight was lifted off my shoulders because even when he fell, he said "oops" and got right back up. I was happy because it was then that I realized how much him walking didn't really matter! Heavenly Father knows us so much better than we know ourselves. Maybe all I needed was the faith. Maybe it was ME who needed to believe, not Matthew believing. Was I happy that I could finally tell people that he could walk so they would stop telling me how concerned they were? (a little.) But, I was happy because I knew prayers are answered and that Heavenly Father is there to bless us and make us happy if we ask him. That's all we have to do. Ask and believe.
Do I still think Matthew is slow? I really have no idea. He does some amazing things that I don't even see older kids do. He does everything else that "they" say a kid his age should be doing. Feeding himself, playing, kneeling...everything else except walking. Do I know if anything is wrong? No. But I think today, I realized that everything is going to be okay. I don't need to worry about little things and I don't need to stress. I also learned something more important. Heavenly Father loves me; he loves my son! And that was the most comforting thing of all!
(Don't read this and think I'm crazy. Most people don't know what I'm feeling until you've been there. And when you hear it from NUMEROUS people that your son may have a problem or that he's slower than everyone else, you start to worry yourself sick).
Oh and what the crap was up with the Yankees tonight? SERIOUSLY?! A-Rod???????? WOW! At least I had a good day otherwise!
5 comments:
Aw. So glad he's cruising around! And, glad Heavenly Father answered your prayers...
Love you guys!
Goodluck chasing him around now. That is always fun for me. Especially when Lana looks at me like "Ha Ha, come and get me."
Ok Chelsea, that brought me to tears. I know how you are feeling when it comes to people making judgements about your child and even you as a mother. I've had my fair share of people either making comments about Preston's size or because I wasn't able to nurse, and the many comments that come along with that. I know how it hurts. But,you are such a good mom, I hope you know that. Matthew will come into his own, when he is ready. Boys are just stubborn that way. :)
Oh, I totally do stuff like that too. I will worry that something is wrong, and then research it, and then convince myself that something is really wrong. In the end it usually ends up being nothing, but I still can't help it. That is so fantastic that he is starting to walk though! I agree with Carli--have fun chasing him around!!
YAY for our matthew!!!
We are so glad you are walking now... good boy and you are VERY smart!!!!
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